Wednesday, November 14, 2001

Better at Faking It

My sensei always says, "imagine yourself doing something perfectly and eventually your body will follow".

I'm getting better at faking it....everyone at work thinks I'm much better, but inside I'ms still counting the days until I can move away and start over. Every night I say sort of a safety prayer for my cats and myself. Every morning I give thanks for a safe night and wish for a safe day. It's a ritual. I set my coffee maker at night to remind me that there will be a tomorrow.

Last night I had a dream that I was talking to my late grandmother. We were talking about how people respond to the dying. During our conversation, I realized that the reason I still hurt from her death was because we never had any closure. I didn't get to talk to her before she passed as I did with my other two grandparents. Oddly enough, when I woke this morning, I felt that we just had our conversation.

I also had another nightmare about planes.

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