Home

"Home. Is where I want to be, but I guess I'm already there. I come
home. She lifted up her wings. I guess that this must be the place"
-Talking Heads

My friend Deb's husband, Tom drove me and my cats home yesterday. I
appreciate their help as it was not just physically demanding, but
emotionally demanding as well. I cried when I smelled the burning again.
I spent the day cleaning out the refrigerator and freezer and scrubbing
the kitchen. I slept on the couch last night with the shades up so I
could see the few lit apartments of other neighbors. It was not a
restful sleep. I had nightmares. At one point I got up and looked out my
window at the workers below. Somehow I found comfort in knowing that
these people were outside all night and that I wasn't really alone after
all.  Elvis slept with me all night. Sid was happy to have my bed all to
himself.

I am waiting for my former neighbors, Skip and Cheryl, to arrive. Cheryl
saved her old I.D. so they will be able to visit me without my having to
meet them at the blockade. They are bringing me fruit and veggies.
Cheryl escaped from the 31st floor of WTC, but 315 others from her
company did not.

Today I must wash bed linens and slip covers. I'll get to the clothing
eventually. I was too exhausted to do it last night. I must also make
the journey uptown for groceries today. I need some kind of air filter
in here as the burning smell has permeated the building and I find
myself coughing a lot. I would also like to get up to the roof when it's
opened and have a good cry and say good bye to those I saw perish. I
need that closure and my heart still aches for them - more than you can
imagine.
W