Belly of the Beast

Sunday, September 16, 2001

I call Stephen for more advice in helping myself through this ordeal. He
is very reassuring. He said that I am suffering from stress of
UNIMAGINABLE proportions. Stephen helped out at WTC in what he now
refers to as "the belly of the beast" and understands too well what

I am going through. He helped me understand what is taking place in my body
in a clinical aspect so that I am not so hard on myself. He said that I
may THINK that I was hysterical, yet I was able to get things done. I
saved my own life with a number of very accurate decisions, saved the
life of my cats AND helped save the other animals. He called in an rx
for a tranquilizer to take at night to teach my body to sleep again. I
apologized for my behavior over the last couple of days, but he said
that it was completely appropriate and that my apology was unacceptable.
I thanked him instead and he said that I was worth 100 times more than
what he could ever do and that the others would agree. I went to the museum
to retrieve my painting from an exhibit. It's now more than a painting.
It's a symbol of hope for the future...
it could have been in the apartment with the others. We visit my friend Renee.
Holding her children was very healing for me. Her baby, Tommy, loved me and his
laughter made me forget about the horror of Tuesday. She gives me a photo of the
kids as she suspected the one she just mailed is at my flat. She is right. The photo
is on my coffee table. I went back to my Mom's and took 1/2 of the pill as I
was nervous about it.