Four Years Later

September 11, 2005

Robert I are now living upstate NY and are restoring a historic house that we bought. Satchel was born in May. I feel much more relaxed here. I realize that my sense of safety had been totally shattered 4 years ago. The city I so loved and swore I would never leave feels more like a bull's eye than an island...and I don't think I'll ever shake that feeling. I don't think it will ever be the same place for me. I will say, however, that before the WTC massacre it was the most magical place I have ever lived (for nearly 20 years).

There is still residue from 2001 that seeps to the surface from time to time. Once while I was working it began to downpour, only I wasn't recognizing the loud noise. I sort of just froze because it almost sounded like a jet. One of the nurses saw me and said, "It's rain...just rain".

And once while Satch was lying on his play-gym a loud jet flew over our house. I caught myself running to get Satch so we could flee. By the time I had made sense of everything, the jet was gone.